What I Found at the Mall

Hey Turnips,

I took Evan to the mall yesterday.   He needed to get his cell fixed.  God knows what he’d do without text messaging. 

I wanted to show you the horror that is my child in public.  He loves his pants long and, even though he covers his drawers with his shirts, I KNOW what’s under those shirts.  I coerced him to lift his shirt to show you!  Amazing.  What a skinny little thing!  

evans-pants.jpg       evan-undies.jpg

While we were at the mall (Bridgewater Commons) I found a few things that I thought you might be interested in.  

Take a look at what was in the J.Crew window…

A cute patchwork skirt.   jcrew-skirt.jpg

A quilt block design fabric shorts.   jcrewshorts.jpg

Then, while Evan was trying on shoes I found these patchwork Converse shoes in brown and in pink. 

conversebrwn.jpg

converse-ylw.jpg

I loved the white on this blue top and it inspired me to a two color appliqué.

appliquewhite.jpg

Then, look at this (speaking of embellishment) look how easy a running stitch with a clear sequin can make your bland fabric shimmer.  It’s really easy to do and will really add a kick to your quilting projects.

seqfullshot.jpg    seq-close-up.jpg

I loved the colors of this bright little skirt.   Of course this is a size zero.   It could look like the Amazon Jungle in a normal size. 

flowrdress.jpg

And, punkins, this is what’s new in tween wear.  Apparently clothes to hide a baby bump.  These were in the window of Limited Too.  Hideous for everybody but the preggers 15-year-old.   Inspired by Jamie Lynn Spears, no doubt.

jamie-lynn-limited-too.jpg

I bought a few Yankee Candles that were on sale and one that wasn’t.  Shit, they’re expensive, even on sale!  I bought Egyptian Cotton World, Stargazer Lily, Cottage Breeze, and Midnight Jasmine.   Oh boy, Pickle Road will smell like a whore house! 

yankee.jpg

 

Speaking of whorehouses, last year, for my birthday, Jeff and Evan bought me a $100 gift certificate for a massage for what I thought was the very nice massage center in Chester, NJ.   Of course, Jeff found a massage place that had just opened behind the toy store in a strip mall — and not the one I was thinking of.   I never went because 1. It wasn’t the place I wanted and 2. It looked like a front for a massage parlor (Poor Jeff – he never thinks of these things).  

Well, they were shut down recently.  Yup.  Prostitution.  Can you imagine me on the table when it was raided!  LOL  I would have had to murder Jeff!   What’s worse, the girls would have HATED me.  They’d really have to give a massage! 

I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU

You know,  are you guys being accosted by Dead-Sea-Salt slinging, kiosk workers at your local malls?   These fricking idiots are relentless.  Everytime you walk by, they jump out at you.   The one here is called NATURE’S BEST but from what I’m reading on the internet, they are called all kind of brands, at mall kiosks, and have been linked to possible spy rings to illegal immigrant trafficking, and more.   All you have to do is GOOGLE, “ Dead Sea Salt, Kiosk.”  You’ll be surprised what comes up several pages in.   I sure was.  

 naturesbestshit.jpg

A lot of people like the products.  But I’ll tell you this, these Dead Sea slinging idiots are the most aggressive, rude and  arrogant group of people I’ve ever come across…and, according to the net, it’s like that in every mall where Dead Sea kiosks are found.  

If I wanted to be approached and followed and called out to, I’d go to a outdoor flea market, not a top-priced mall.  I hate it.  Everytime I pass the kiosk, I get called to or approached and I’m a fat ugly old man.   I may boycott Bridgewater Commons Mall.   If the malls can’t control their kiosk stalls or turn a blind eye to how they’re run, then I’ll go somewhere else.  

Bye babies….off to Ontario!  xoxom

   

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13 Comments on “What I Found at the Mall”

  1. Tere
    January 14, 2008 at 10:38 AM #

    HA! Your son is much more advanced technologically than his dad. So there. That patchwork skirt in the J. Crew window is also in pants and my kid will NOT take them off (the fabric is incredibly soft). WHAT DO YOU MEAN IN TWEEN KID WEAR HIDING BABY BUMP? The dresses are cute, but let’s don’t encourage them, designers of clothing. What are you THINKING? (Oh, I bet they also design baby wear!)

    Your last one, about being accosted at malls: the horrid part is the second or third time you pass, even though you’ve already politely said NO, they accost you again. And again. And again. Politeness disappears about then.

    Like

  2. jeanine
    January 14, 2008 at 10:58 AM #

    Cute dresses…………..Size 0? Too bad.
    The shoes might be nice.
    Your kid, just think the pictures you have to show him in a couple of years….then he will say: What was I thinking!!!
    By grade 12 his underwear will not show any more>
    Have a good time in Ontario ( you really got me confused………….Ontario Airport………….is that Toronto……………..no California………….Oh…
    My brain is “kind of” slow on the weekends.)
    jeanine in stormy New Brunswick

    Like

  3. Darlene
    January 14, 2008 at 12:38 PM #

    Love the Converse! Now I have to go shopping. That running stitch makes fabric look like tree bark if you do it close and alternate the spaces

    Like

  4. Gari
    January 14, 2008 at 3:26 PM #

    I agree about being accosted but their hand lotion is great for sewers/quilters. It dries almost instantly and leaves your hands soft: does not leave anything to bleed out onto the fabric. When I go to replace it I am as rude as they are: “No, all I want is this.” I am a little, old, redhead who looks and sounds like I could, and would, take them all on.

    Like

  5. January 14, 2008 at 3:33 PM #

    Mark – it’s fun to see your pictures. I love that you see quilts everywhere you go. It’s inspiring.

    I’ll be at Road on Saturday. Maybe I’ll poke my head in your class and say hi.

    Terri

    Like

  6. Andee
    January 15, 2008 at 2:04 AM #

    Here is where knowing sign language comes in handy…whenever those people spring out at me I gesture that I am Deaf and they back away fast…works especially well if Deaf are with me and we are signing to start with, then they stay away!

    Like

  7. Willow
    January 15, 2008 at 3:34 AM #

    Yes, we get accosted here in MD too, at every mall in the state, no less. So boycotting does nothing. I bought that crap once, did fine on the fingernails, but when I did my toes, I developed a fungal infection that took a year to clear up. Whenever I walk past these people now, I do exactly that, walk past without ever looking in their direction or acknowledging their existence. It really drives them insane, which I think is fair, since they drive everybody else nuts with their rudeness.

    and to paraphrase the youtube androgyne, “Leave the Spears girls alone!!”

    Actually I think their ridiculus, just tired of hearing about it every day. Global Warming, war, famine, etc….and all the news can cover is Paris and Brittany?

    Like

  8. January 15, 2008 at 8:12 PM #

    I have noticed the preteen styles too!

    I bought some of their nail stuff. Yeah, it is hard to resist their sales pitch. Such shiny nails! I didn’t know about the politics.

    Like

  9. Michele
    January 15, 2008 at 8:35 PM #

    Mark – what store had those cute Converse shoes? Thanks for today’s fun! ME

    Like

  10. January 16, 2008 at 9:24 PM #

    if you think those yankee candle flavors are to die for… take a whiff of the lemon lavender or lavender lemon (whatever the heck it is). I want to EAT it rather than burn it… or just carry it around with me and randomly smell it – almost like a more flowery version of mary katherine gallagher and without armpits!! 😀

    Like

  11. January 17, 2008 at 7:58 PM #

    Today is my first day reading your blog and I love it! I have only read 2 issues of Quilter’s Home and enjoyed both. I have a skinny 16 yr old boy but he’s starting to put on a little weight. Oh the joys of parenting a teen boy! (my head hurts, my blood pressure is sky high and I think the school has me speed dial). Last night we had sleet and snow here in Georgia, which is a huge deal. The boy wanted to drive 15 miles in Atlanta traffice to the mall to look for a pair of shoes. NO! Also, that was with HIM driving not me!

    I digress…you are brave soul to go to any major shopping mall. I love the pictures of your doggie. Where are pictures of the cat? I hope she has been “fixed” by now and is no longer being tortured by her urges.

    Like

  12. patchwork stuff is so hot right now…..i had the same experience when i went to the mall recently!! your post is hilarious! thanks!

    The Patchwork Underground – Handmade HIppie Patchwork Skirts, Dresses, Tops – Clothing and Accessories

    Like

  13. maj
    September 30, 2011 at 3:13 PM #

    I enjoy seeing through your eyes. With this comment, I sure didn’t enjoy the magazine you are no longer involved with. You see with your soul and made the mag colorful and anticipated.

    Sure hope you strike out on your own in print!

    Most of all, hope you are well!!!

    Like

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